i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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