Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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