my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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