I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
