Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
