He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
