I'm drive I can fine osifer
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
