I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Will you blow on my dice?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
