I think I died a long time ago.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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