Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
