life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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