the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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