And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
