My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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