Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
