Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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