Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
