You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
