you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
