Just mADE A PArabola og urine
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
