it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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