I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
