Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
