Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
