It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
