Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize