if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
