we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My vagina is officially offended.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
