I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
