so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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