before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
