I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
