Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
