I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
