So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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