you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would fuck him just for his dog
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
