I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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