Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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