no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
