I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Someone shit on the floor
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
