maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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