you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
