Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
