pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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