Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
