I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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