things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
