Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
