I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
