I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
