I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
