i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
