How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
