She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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