Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's blow job season.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize