Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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