don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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