I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize