dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
