when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
