she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
