Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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