i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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