how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
