I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
