If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
