This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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