Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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