I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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