guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
